A blushing young damsel of 109 has just died at Mallow, Ireland. She had been an ardent smoker of twist tobacco for 81 years, and finally died in the bloom of her youth. To make matters worse, she was an orphan. Those who do not wish to die young should make a note of this. [ Tobacco Jokes For Smoking Folks, 1888 ]

If thy mother be a widow, give her double honor, who now acts the part of a double parent; remember her nine month's burden, and her tenth month's travel; forget not her indulgence, when thou didst hang upon her tender breast; call to mind her prayers for thee before thou earnest into the world; and her cares for thee when thou wert come into the world; remember her secret groans, her affectionate tears, her broken slumbers, her daily fears, her nightly frights; relieve her wants, cover her imperfections, comfort her age, and the widow's husband will be the orphan's father. [ F. Quarles ]