Your biggest opponent isn't the other guy. It's human nature. [ Bobby Knight ]

Guy Patin recommends to a patient to have no doctor but a horse, and no apothecary but an ass! [ Chesterfield ]

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing. [ Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts ]

I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain the makes you want to study the brain. [ Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts ]

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a hundred drumsticks, the the guy at the Marineland says, You can't throw chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish. Sure they eat fish, if that's all you give them. Man, wise up. [ Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts ]

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy - something like that. [ Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts ]